13. Girdle Flirting
Donald's interesting account of the way in which his girlfriend from Florida used to entice him by mentioning her girdle leads me to a topic I've wanted to address for some time: girdle flirting. One of the reasons, I think, that girdles have come to have such power over men who grew up in the period in which they were widely worn is that they were the most mentionable unmentionable. Because of their practical purpose, their association with decency, and therefore not with seduction, and their somewhat comic image, it was not considered salacious to mention them. No one in mixed company would ever say "I've got to get out of this bra, it's killing me," but, if memory serves, it was not at all uncommon for women to say in mixed company, to the expected amusement of the group, that a "girdle was killing her," or that it was great to get out of that girdle, etc. Girdles were not publicly considered erotic garments, so they could be referred to.
And yet ... of course they were erotic garments and highly personal ones at that. They were a kind of loophole. Men and women could, and as I remember did, flirt by talking about girdles. They were a kind of middle area where sex and sexuality could be brushed against, without being directly confronted. Of course, in the context of a romantic relationship, girdle flirting could become quite steamy. I for one learned very early on that men were attracted to women wearing them. This had been communicated to me very subtly by my older sisters and my mother (ie. I don't remember them telling me this directly, but I remember always knowing it) and it was immediately confirmed when I started dating.
It was something of a relief when I entered the period, around 14-15, in which dating involved "making out," since it gave me and the boy I was with a feeling of security to know that he could be sufficiently aroused while leaving my clothing intact. Dating in high school from 1964-8 involved a great deal of girdle-flirting: mentions of girdles, carefully orchestrated girdle glimpses, etc. This was pure unmitigated fun, because I got to use this particular neglected item of seduction for my purposes and a boyfriend's pleasure. Talking about your girdle was a way of letting a boy know that you were intimate with him. To re-fasten a garter in a car (dangerous) or to ask him if your girdle was showing with a certain skirt was a way of letting him know that he had a special relationship with you. I'll address the question of girdle flirting with boyfriends at a later time.
Right now, I want to talk about a memory of girdle-flirting with a man who was not involved with me romantically. I don't want to climb on any more soapboxes and I don't want anyone to force me to, since that's not what I'm here for. But I want to indicate that yes, I think flirting is fun, yes sometimes women like to give men a treat. Still only in the rarest of circumstances (never in my case, never in the case of most women) is that man a stranger. There is too much to be afraid of and I would ask men to recognize the legitimacy of that fear. What I want to talk about here is a summer-long girdle flirtation I once conducted with a boy who was not my boyfriend. It is a wonderful memory, because it was a flirtation. The limits were strict, he was a gentleman, and I had control of the situation and was not afraid.
During the summer of 1968, between high school and college, I had a job as a receptionist-typist in an office of a business partly owned by my uncle, in midtown Manhattan. A male friend of mine had a job in an office nearby and he and I would take the bus together into the Port Authority bus terminal and then he and I would walk to our jobs (in the Garment District, for those of you who know Manhattan). Every day I would wake early to dress up in a bra, a firm control long-leg panty girdle, stockings with stocking tops fastened to garters under the legs of the girdle, a half-slip short enough for a mini-skirt, and a short summer dress. I would meet him at the bus stop near my house. He would always be wearing a jacket and tie. We dressed, in other words, as any young man and woman going to a job in Manhattan would have dressed in the summer of 1968. I had a boyfriend at the time and he had a girlfriend. There was nothing between us but an affectionate friendship. We had known each other since kindergarten. I always liked him because he was very smart and gentle, but we didn't really have that much in common (he was very math-science oriented and I was more artsy).
Anyway, as I recall, it was a hot summer and we had exhausting jobs. We'd ride in together in the morning and then meet to catch a bus together at the end of the day. We would run out of things to talk about, but it was still nice to have the company. Anyway, on one particularly hot day, as we walked towards the bus station on our way home, he said to me "Boy, I envy females."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because they don't have to wear jackets and ties and they can go to work in a nice cool short dress like you've got on." (I did indeed have on a nice, cool short dress).
I laughed and then, just said, right out of my mouth, "Oh, give me a break. Just be glad you don't have to wear a girdle and stockings in this heat."
Well he turned vivid red in two seconds ( a heady mixture, I think, of embarassment and unexpected pleasure). He mumbled something to the effect of "Okay, you're right, you win." I smiled and that was that for a few days.
After that, I noticed a change in him. He seemed a little more uncomfortably polite and more attentive in ways that I could recognize from experience. I marvelled at this. He must have known I was wearing a girdle every day. That would have been what was expected. But the fact that I had mentioned it somehow brought it more into existence.
Anyway I knew what was up and out of perverseness and little bit of summer boredom, I looked for an opportunity to mention it again. He gave me the opportunity. We had just sat down in the bus coming home and he said "Whew! got to loosen this tie," loosening his tie and top button.
I said, remotely, "Wish I could loosen my girdle." Bingo! But this time he was ready for me.
"Why do you have to wear a girdle in this weather?" (Like he would really rather I didn't).
"A lady always wears a girdle," I said in a mocking voice, "at least that's what my mother taught me."
"Still," he said, " I would think that when it got hot you could ask her permission ...."
"I don't have to ask her permission" (by this time, I probably didn't) "but most girls, when they wear a skirt or a dress, wear a girdle."
"But you don't really need it under that dress" (most of my summer dresses that summer were not tight at the hips).
"Believe me, men can't see this, but if I didn't have a girdle on, I wouldn't look as good."
"Are you sure? Nobody could tell."
"That's what you think. Believe me, women can tell and you only think that because all of the girls and women you know wear them all the time. So you don't even know what a woman looks like without one."
He smiled. He was clearly enjoying this. But he didn't know what to say next, so the subject was dropped for the time being.
That was it, though. For the rest of the summer hardly a day went by when there wasn't some reference to girdles. He got a fair amount of information out of me, and was careful to hide how much the topic excited him. We'd never talk long, just long enough to be able to continue to pretend that it was a casual topic of conversation. He always kept up the pretense that it wasn't anything that excited him. But we both knew what was going on. It was a lot of fun.
Once or twice, towards the end of the summer, when we were on the bus and there was no one standing in the aisle, I'd let him see a little something, pretending to be unaware. He never touched me and we never became involved. But we had a nice little flirtation that always stayed on safe ground. I cherish the memory and I suspect he does too, wherever he is.
Read Virginian's comment on Girdle Flirting.
Continue to The Origins Of Desire
Copyright 1995 by Suzanne. Used with permission of the author.
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Originally Posted April 20, 1997