The Bridesmaid's Dress
This query began a lengthy and fascinating exchange:
From Delia:
I'm going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in June and my dress is very slinky around the hips. I need some sort of girdle thingy. I went shopping for one the other day but everything I tried on that was comfortable didn't work that well and everything I tried on that worked wasn't that comfortable.
I really want to look good in this dress, so I don't have to be that comfortable, but I do have to spend the whole day in this G.D. thing. Has anyone found a shaper that really works well and is comfortable to wear and to dance in for a whole day?
The responses to Delia's question were prompt, and varied. Some were straightforward, offering brand names of garments to try, or suggesting the use of control-top pantyhose.
However, a few replies scolded Delia for considering a shaping garment, and exhorted her to exercise and lose weight instead, illustrating that anti-girdle sentiments still run deep among many women.
Delia's inquiry was quite specific- she wanted a girdle to wear for one day, with one dress. She made no mention of being dissatisfied with her figure, gave no hint that she felt herself overweight. The query alluded only to the cut of the dress: "slinky around the hips." Yet such is the prejudice held by some against control garments that they urged her to modify her body permanently-- "Lose weight!" "Work out a half hour each day!"-- rather than "endure" a girdle for one day.
In a society concerned with eating disorders, and aware of the pressures on women to conform to an ideal body shape, one might reasonably ask which is the more pernicious advice: "Buy a girdle to wear for the occasion" or "Hurry up and lose some weight"?
Delia stuck to her original point, though. She patiently and good-naturedly explained her needs and clarified some confusions. When a Zona reader raised the issue of the girdle's erotic appeal- in a post that modesty compels the editor to abridge- she acknowledged his comment graciously, and noted her surprise at her boyfriend's reaction to the garment, but still made it clear the topic was not of interest to her.
From Callie:
I use control top pantyhose. I prefer the Leggs brand because they fit me. One of my girlfriends likes Hanes, but I find they are too big in the waist and too small in the thighs. Leggs has a style out that is supposed to be "control top" down to mid-thigh.
From Delia:
I tried control top and shaper top pantyhose with this dress and they didn't work, which is why I'm looking for something more.
From Danielle:
Has anyone found a shaper that really works well and is comfortable to wear and to dance in for a whole day?
To be blunt... NO. I own two shapers. One is comfortable and jiggles and rolls are still visible. The other is extremely firm support. Takes 5 minutes to wiggle into plus at least one broken nail. And gales of laughter from the husband. But it does what it's supposed to do. God forbid I would have to use the restroom in it... hooks in the crotch.
From Katie:
Have you tried the body slimmer by Nancy Ganz?
From Caroline:
I had to do a wedding (my son!) and wore something I probably should not have! No, it was really lovely, but any bulging would show. Sears Diet trim body shaper girdle in a tiny size worked just fine!
From Ruth:
I got a really form-fitting brown velvet long dress for my son's bar mitzvah in December 1997 and it fit perfectly except for that little tummy trouble. I ended up wearing two slimming things together: a tummy tuck thing with long legs by Nancy Ganz, plus pantyhose with built-in girdle from Bloomingdale's. I thought I'd also wear a Nancy Ganz Hip Slip but a friend convinced me I'd probably faint. Luckily I followed her advice.
Everything worked out fine. I know I should do those damn sit-ups but...
From Zoe:
LOL! ["Laughing out loud."] Good luck, those things just displace fat from one area to another without ever solving the problem. Half an hour work-out each day until the wedding will give you a better result. Have a good one.
From Maureen:
Or get a different style. A-lines are more forgiving than, say, sheaths. I for one was surprised at how slimming they looked, and, miraculously, I could breathe and still look presentable.
From Christina:
Maureen wrote: Or get a different style.
Yes, but if she is in the wedding she pretty much wears what the bride tells her to. Although it might be worth asking the bride to choose another, more forgiving style in some cases (my younger bridesmaid and the bridesmaid with hips like mine are wearing a different style than my fit maid of honor- the bridesmaids' request).
However, I assume that for a wedding in June the dresses are already ordered. If you are getting it altered, you may be able to have the seamstress leave you some hip room while keeping the sleek lines. If compression is the only option left, I think your best bet is to pick what works above the most comfortable. It isn't much of a compromise to be slightly uncomfortable and still not like the way you look.
I do have another suggestion, and it isn't as futile as it seems. Build muscle. Serious fat loss is going to take several months to really show, so even if you are losing weight at a good pace it might not trim you where you want to be by June. But building a little muscle can help change your shape, even when the scale is still not moving. For me I started seeing shape changes after about a month of adding a little strength training to my routine. If you get FitTV, see if they are still showing "Tighter Assets." Maybe the tapes are for sale on the FitTV web site. I don't know.
From Mira:
"Everything I tried on that was comfortable didn't work that well and everything I tried on that worked wasn't that comfortable."
I think you've hit the nail on the head here. You can either be "supported" and not able to breathe well, or let it hang out to some degree and be more comfortable.
As it turns out, if you go with the tighter girdle, as long as you don't bend over or have to sit with your legs angled up or anything, you don't quite get used to it but it does get a little less hellish after a while.
Two other alternatives: Lose weight or wear a slightly larger size.
From Nora:
What works for me is to go to the next larger size- that little bit of breathing room helps (but they still get uncomfortable after a while).
From Delia:
I just want to clarify here. I can't go with a different style because I have to wear the same dress as the other bridesmaids and I do already have the dress. Losing weight wouldn't really do it. The dress is not too tight or the wrong size. It's just really clingy around the hips and rear in such a way that without a shaper or girdle of some kind, too many natural bulges and too much movement would be visible.
The other bridesmaids have the same problem even though both are fit and average weight. We're all going girdle shopping and they are running into the same problem I am in terms of the trade-off of comfort and effectiveness. Any suggestions I get here I'm going to pass on to them.
Sure, exercise can help, but not enough. There simply isn't enough muscle in my hips and rear, if you know what I mean. Plus, the wedding is less than two months away and I am very busy at this time of year. So I really need a shaper. Other solutions are not going to work, I'm afraid.
From Jane:
How about one of those lycra/spandex slips? They make them in nude, black and white with convertible straps. I think it comes in 2 lengths also. I saw them in the Spiegel catalog for about $60. And as tacky as they are, Frederick's of Hollywood has a lot of things along that line, too.
From Toni:
I recently tried on a one-piece shaper that had underwire in the top and was mid-thigh biker shorts-ish on the bottom. It was nice because it was long enough that there was no "bulge out of the bottom." As far as comfort, it was a bear to get on (no zippers or anything) but once on it was bearable. You should be able to find something like this in department stores. I'm with you, I don't mind the slight discomfort to not only look better, but more importantly, feel like I look better!
From Delia:
Toni- Thanks for understanding where I am coming from here. I didn't want anyone to think that I thought that it was such a terrible ordeal to wear a girdle to look great (I wear heels, after all). You just want a balance. I will feel much more mentally comfortable if I look terrific in this dress, even if my girdle thingy is a little snug, than I will if I'm bouncing around without any support. You don't happen to recall the brand name of this shaper you wore?
From Marla:
One thing you have to remember here -- it takes time to wriggle out of the thing if you have to go to the bathroom.
My godmother always wore those things when she got dressed up, and she got hers at J.C.. Penney's.
You could try "Goddess". I had a strapless long-line that I wore under my wedding gown that wasn't too bad. I think they make the all-in-one shapers as well.
From Nancy:
In addition to whatever girdle thingy you find, you might also want to add a good full-length slip underneath the dress -- having that extra layer of liner seems to keep the bulges from being quite so conspicuous -- smoothes it all out a bit, even though it won't make you look any thinner.
From Trixie:
I remember a couple years ago when lots of the clingier jersey/silk blends were coming out and they were called "body conscious" fashions -- Bwahahahhahaha. Yeah, I'm conscious of my body; I just don't think everyone else needs to be. Gimme a good, solid, strait-jacket to wear over it!
I can remember reading an article about how these fashions would "emphasize womanly curves by skimming without snugly revealing" or some such hogwash. Basically, these clothes are supposed to be clingy without being snug. I second the slip idea -- it'll help the material glide without gripping.
From Jennifer:
Perhaps the solution is to accept that while it isn't currently fashionable, it is natural, normal, and healthy for women to have fat on their hips, thighs, buttocks, lower abs, upper arms, and breasts. And that in the dress you have to wear, your fat is going to show or you can pay the price of discomfort to be fashionable.
From Delia:
Jennifer, I agree with your point here, but I also think that this dress, which I really do like and find very elegant, simply looks better if I don't bounce around in it. I want to look elegant. Yes, it is a fashionability question, but I am willing to accept that beauty can require sacrifice. I am willing to be uncomfortable to look really nice in this really pretty dress. I just don't want to be that uncomfortable. I'm looking for the right balance. I think the slip idea is a really good one, and I think I will do it. Though I could still really use any other ideas about shapers that people have tried and liked.
From Adele:
Victoria's Secret has some great pantyhose that have a lot of shaping in them, I forget the name, but they really help! They are around $10.
You could wear that with something else perhaps, I doubt on its own it is enough, but it really is helpful!
From Leah:
I know you said that you had tried control-top pantyhose, but have you tried the new line of control top from Victoria's Secret? They're called Shapers, I think (but don't quote me on that). They're super-ultra controlling. :-) The pair I have has control panels going down to mid-thigh, so you can't wear them with anything too short unless you don't mind the control panel showing, but they work really well... they sure smooth out all my bumps and crannies! They're actually hard to get into because they are SO elastic-y, but well worth it in the end. I think they run about $10.
From Adele:
YES! This is what I was talking about in a previous reply, they are called Shapers I believe too... and they are great! (Love your phrase, "bumps and crannies," by the way!) And yes they are about $10. A lot for pantyhose, but these are more!
From Linda:
Victoria Secret's shapers are nice. However, when one puts their body in a constricting garment that starts at the toe and ends at the waist -- where does the excess (and there is excess) go? Just above the waist, of course. I learned this well this past week at a convention -- avoided hugs like the plague as the excess would be handily apparent.
I suggest you go to a specialty foundations store (not Victoria's Secret) and try the body shapers that start with a bra and end with a lycra slip. You're looking for big time slink here with no sloshing! Check the yellow pages for the real "foundations" stores where the sales women know their stuff. Make an appointment for all the bridesmaids to go in together and bring the dresses. (The laughs will be worth the effort getting everybody there at the same time.)
Good luck.
From Delia:
Linda, this sounds like a really good idea to me. The three of us would probably enjoy this, at least all being in the same boat together. We probably do need some personalized service. Are these places more expensive than department stores? I guess I would just look under "foundations" in the yellow pages or what?
From Delia (later):
I did buy a pair of Victoria Secrets Shapers and they are wonderful. I'm glad to have spent the $10 because I know I will be able to use them on some other occasions. I definitely need even more than this with the bridesmaid's dress, however. The other bridesmaids and I have made an appointment for late this afternoon at a bra and girdle shop we found in the yellow pages, thanks to the suggestion of people from this newsgroup. This should be interesting. I will report on our success.
From Maureen:
I'm just curious to hear what this bridesmaids' dress looks like now! :) Is anybody else? Would you mind describing it to us?? :) If you don't want to, that's okay. Just asking. :)
PS It sounds like you are on the right path by checking into the bra and girdle shop. I used to have a great girdle which used to be my mom's -- I loved it so much -- it was very controlling yet still comfortable! I don't think they make them like they used to (gosh, don't I sound old at the ripe old age of 25?) :) but maybe at the stores specifically for foundations they'll have something. Good luck!
From Delia:
The dresses are lovely midnight blue long sleeveless sheaths, very straight and very early 60's elegant looking. Think Audrey Hepburn. I love the dress and so do the other bridesmaids, which is why I am not complaining about needing to find a girdle to wear with it. The dress is snug and clingy at the hips and rear, but not in the bodice, which is due to the fact that it creates a kind of column effect. I don't know the technical fashion terms, so I hope I'm getting it across.
From Delia (later):
Well, my friends and I spent a very weird but very satisfying hour and a half at that bra and girdle shop. I got a girdle that is perfect for me and for my dress. Yaaay!!!
It is made by a company called "Subtract" and it is very very controlling at the hips, tummy, and rear, far more controlling than any shaper top pantyhose you can imagine. It also has a high waist so that there is no roll of squeezed-up flesh above the girdle. It's brand new, but very old-fashioned looking, so it probably is the kind of high quality old-fashioned garment that Maureen describes getting from her mom. It holds me in completely and totally. No jiggle at all. It's like I have a perfect figure in it. And yet it feels as if it can stay comfortable for quite a while at least.
I'm going to wear it a few times before the big day, as the lady in the shop recommended. This way, I'll know what to expect. My boyfriend will probably wonder what's going on, but hey!
What's interesting is that all three of us tried on several girdles, but each of us chose a different one and we had very different opinions about the different girdles we tried. The woman in the store was very helpful and she anticipated which girdles would please which of us, on the basis of our different figures. This is a good reason, I guess, for going to a store like this, so that you get the garment that is right for you and are not just guessing. The whole scene was so funny, too. Three girls in their twenties going girdle shopping. There was a lot of giggling and the woman in the shop had a great sense of humor about it too.
Anyway, we're all ready for the big day. I'm really grateful to all the great advice people gave me. It really helped. We ended up in the right place. Also, one of my friends chose a Nancy Ganz shaper that a couple of people recommended and now we all know about Victoria's Secret shapers. Anyway, thanks.
And if you ever need a real girdle, you might want to check out this Subtract thing. It really is amazing.
From Tom:
As a male, I find quite charming all the curiosity, analysis, and debate over what I could ordinarily say is just another item of clothing. But as my wife and others (more on this later) have discovered, shapewear is a definitively feminine experience that touches several human issues, some of which have been covered in this thread.
[Portions deleted for brevity- and thanks for the kind comments about Zona, Tom! -Ed.]
The third factor, which is something I can attest to myself, is that girdles, etc. are considered sexy by more men than many women even realize. This is not to say all men, but a surprising number. Because of this, many husbands find their wives to be sexier, and this makes for a sustained, romantic love life---the dream of every newlywed. I can vouch for this, as my wife and I still make sparks after 12 years of marriage and two kids. Are you listening, Delia? Is the boyfriend?
From Delia:
Tom-
"...girdles, etc. are considered sexy by more men than many women even realize."
Well, it is obvious that you think this. And if the truth be told, it kind of looks to me as if my boyfriend thinks this as well. Which is a surprise and I'm not sure what I feel about it. I'm wearing this thing to get into my dress.
I guess it is nice if men find it attractive in some way. But it is hard for me to see it as anything other than a practical garment, which is very effective and actually nicer to wear than I ever would have thought. Good luck to you and your wife. I'm glad you both enjoy what you enjoy.
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Last updated October 30, 1999